Friday, January 24, 2014

On time management skills...

When it comes to time allotment for doing school work I feel I am capable (including procrastination time as well). However I am apparently lousy at including people other than my wife into my allotments. In other words I miss spending time with my friends dearly.

I understand that plans get cancelled by myself and others as real life and other issues arrive but I got to say that knowing this still doesn't ease the feeling that by neglecting my friends (even for real reasons) I am losing touch with them and they will fade away some and move on. That depresses me somewhat.

So it needs to be something I will address more; taking time to keep in touch more with those who's friendships I value more than they probably know. I should send an email (at minimum) to check on them but in lieu of a meet up I will call on the phone.

I will just need to start to rely less on Facebook to be a point of contact. That shit is just evil; you are connected to a small degree but it is painfully impersonal. Essentially I miss the messiness of actual interaction; it is all the flubs and mistakes that represent us more truthfully and honestly than a format where we can edit and carefully craft messages.

All I got to do now is find some time to make some calls.....

Thursday, January 2, 2014

2014: A Discussion

Mentioned in my last post was the beginning to use this space more of a journal of sorts. So in the spirit of that I want to lay out some things I would like to change about myself. Not a New Years resolutions list, those are complete horse shit that nobody ever follows, but a list if things I want to work on from here out (not just for the year).

Starting it off I will continue to mellow out more. I know I have over the course of the years but this is a work in progress that will continue into the future. A good deal of it has to do with the influence of my wife. Without her I do not think I would have been as far along in this as I feel I am. Frankly looking back on my late teens and early twenties I am amazed I had any friends at all with how tightly wound I was. I was just a walking wall of angry. This came off as mean, spiteful, and moody; all of that could be focused upon others for no damn good reason. Why? Because at that time I didn't care about embracing dickish behavior; I relished it.

Not any more though. In fact I haven't in awhile and I will continue to further remove myself from such things that help enable any kind of relapse. I have no clue what those are but, like art or pornography, I'll know it when I see it. It's just not a healthy way to live.

I also will ween myself away from the SWTOR MMO this year. Yeah I want to complete the last two Republic class story lines first but then I'm done. It has reached diminishing returns with me. The time invested is not worth what I get out of it. I've met some cool folk online with this game but it's reaching the time to move on.

Speaking of moving on: I now acknowledge that both of my Pathfinder RPG's I run are dead in the water. I do not see myself getting behind the screen again to DM for a very long time. With my schooling I know my availability and I do not see time that I will have available to run a campaign any more. That sucks but it is a truth; I don't have time anymore. It is easier for me to be a player, for now, as it takes less prep time but even that may vanish. I dislike not being able to spend time with my friends gaming like I used to but I do not regret losing that to gain my college education and eventual move into grad school (and beyond).

While discussing gaming I want to note that GenCon 2013 was fun but not as fun (gaming wise) as in  prior years. After really thinking about everything that we did there in August the con part was not as fun as just spending time with my wife. It was also really REALLY packed full of people with close to 9000+ attendees there from the 2012 con. If this keeps up come 2015 ( when we return....maybe) it will be unbearable with the crowds. At least it still did not have that "unwashed masses" aroma large gatherings of gamers bring.

On a lighter note some people I know got engaged recently and I couldn't be happier for them! There is also another gent I used to be friends with that got remarried recently and I couldn't be happier for him too. Our departure was all my call as, when it happened, I was not in a place where I could be there for him (he was getting divorced....and was the 3rd person I was friends with that divorce happened to....I could not handle a third go around in the span of about 9 months). I actually felt that I needed a break, broke off contact, and as time passed I realized months, then years, passed but I did not feel the need to reconnect nor felt that I chose the wrong path. I still think this was still the best choice as both our lives moved on to bigger and better things. I do not hate the person, I hold no ill will, but sometimes you need to move on and move away to grow. And now he's in a really great, loving place and I couldn't be happier for him and his new wife.

Those that have done wrong by me in the past that I severed ties with I can say that I'm not angry about it anymore.

I will expand my horizons more when it comes to friends. I want to keep meeting new friends from all walks of life, with different beliefs, because it enriches my own life and expands my world view further.

Lastly I will work on getting more things written online whether it is here for the self reflection or other things or on the OG blog about movies and pop culture. Why? Because I want to. I also want to read more books for fun this year. My wife gave me two new ones as Christmas gifts and I am looking forward to finally getting into their pages.