Sunday, December 18, 2011

The 12 Days of Blogs-mas: Cinco de Game-o.

Well my friend Eric over at Gaming With the Gnomies suggested I stat myself out in a tabletop RPG of my choice. Then in a crunch heavy RPG I own as well. Its a challenge of crunching numbers, self evaluation, self loathing due to prior evaluation and general dislike. I've never been partial to creating myself in any kind of medium be it drawings/paintings, rpg stat blocks or anything else. Last time I tried this out I had so much wrong with the character that I was functionally useless....and I thought it was accurate.

Then I burned the copy never to be spoken of again until the Lord of the Gnomes suggested it. So I'm going to start fresh and use a system you've seen me speak about from the games I run. That system is ....

Now I had to come up with a basis for how many levels I should have to start off and I determined that I would base it off of my age. While I gamed when I was younger I considered most 'adventuring' heroes are generally around 18 at the start of their careers. Then I noted I was lazy so I added two years to it. Final level total is 15. This is going to be a hell of alot of stats. You will be bored but bear with me on this. I will try to be witty in my reasons for choosing this stuff.

Phil is a Half-Orc Barbarian (Drunken Brute Arch type) 1/Bard 7/Cavalier Order of the Dragon 7

Barbarian (Drunken Brute) = has mild anger management issues while drinking.

Bard = I tend to be long winded in talking and use the fine comedic art of self-deprecation to get laughs.

Cavalier (Order of the Dragon) = I have *some* nobility/loyalty here people. The Order of the Dragon is ones dedicated to being loyal to his allies and will fiercely defend their honor when called into doubt. I have been known to do this.

Half-Orc = because I am not very good to look at. And since troll isn't a core class I couldn't be one.

  • STR - 15
  • DEX - 10
  • CON - 17
  • INT - 13
  • WIS - 16
  • CHA - 14
Combat Maneuver Bonus - +15        Combat Maneuver Defence - 25 (25 Flat Footed)

AC - 17 / Touch AC 10 / Flat Footed 17                  Hit Points - 134

Saving Throws
Fortitude - +12
Reflex     - +7
Will        - +10

Speed: 30ft                Initiative: +0  (see? lazy....)

---So far so good. I have a low AC because I'm not skinny (read: fat) and am an easy target. I put up with alot of crap so the high Fortitude save is true as well as the CON score. No initiative bonus because it does take lighting a fire under my ass to get me into motion. I think I'm more common sense smart than book smart so that's why WIS is higher than INT. I'm also stronger than most folk realize so the more than above average STR is there.


Height - 6'0"   Weight - Rotund   
Hair: Red        Eyes: Blue/Green      Skin:Pale
Medium Size:  Space/Reach 5ft

Alignment: Chaotic Good                    Deity: Cayden Cailean  (here's the description)

Languages Known:  Common, Orc, Pig Latin (Orc-bonics)


*note: I'm only listing the the overall bonus or lack there of*
  • Acrobatics  -1
  • Appraise     +5
  • Bluff            +15
  • Climb          +1
  • Craft (Painting)   +3
  • Diplomacy    +15
  • Disguise      +8
  • Escape Artist   +3
  • Fly              -1
  • Handle Animal   +6
  • Heal           +5
  • Intimidate   +20
  • Knowledge Arcana  +4
  • Knowledge Local     +9
  • Knowledge Nobility +12
  • Perception     +10
  • Perform (Comedy)  +15
  • Perform (Oratory)  +15
  • Ride               -1
  • Sense Motive     +15
  • Sleight of Hand    +3
  • Spellcraft        +11
  • Stealth            +3
  • Survival          +14
  • Swim               +1
  • Use Magic Device   +10
--- Again. No real complaints here. I tend to talk alot and insult myself as much (Perform Comedy/Oratory), I've learned to talk my way out of situations (Diplomacy), when I get angry I'm pretty scary from what I've been told (Intimidation) and I can figure out what some folks intentions are (Sense Motive). I took the Knowledge skills on a broader sense with Nobility being more towards celebrities/famous people instead of royalty. Craft Painting.....well I'm out of practice so its declined alot.

Character Traits

  • Birthmark
  • Bullied      (growing up I kinda was...alot. not so much on the physical violence but verbal abuse. Red-headed glasses wearing nerd kid = target for other kids in school and life in general)


  • Armor Proficiency - Light/Medium/Heavy/Shield
  • Weapon Proficiency - Simple/Martial/Bardic
  • Blind-Fight
  • Catch-off Guard
  • Critical Focus
  • Deceitful
  • Eschew Materials
  • Extend Spell
  • Extra Performance
  • Extra Rage
  • Run
  • Swap Places
---- Blind Fight is for when I take off my glasses and I'm still competent in kicking your ass. Catch off Guard is I will do something that throws you off your balance while Critical Focus lets me capitalize on your weak spots. Hey, when I fight its to win. I don't care how either. I will win.
Deceitful...well....I can fib a bit now but can't we all? Eschew Materials is because I hate spell components in any frigging RPG. Extend Spell....we'll touch on that when I get to my spell list. There is a reason.
Extra Performance is because I can keep droning on or busting my own chops for hours. I went on a 1+ hour long tirade about how much I suck with some friends in my car that had them laughing till they were wheezing for air. Extra Rage is a feat I picked up from both my folks. When they get mad watch out! I goes on for a LONG while.
I learned Run from hanging out with Eric from Gaming With The Gnomies. I will not comment further.
Swap Places comes from defending my friends/allies/loved ones. I will pull the aggro off of them and onto me. To keep them safe.

Spells Known


  • Daze
  • Detect Magic
  • Ghost Sound
  • Light
  • Mage Hand  (Can you say 'phantom stranger'? Then you are a perv.)
  • Prestidigitation
Level 1
  • Cause Fear
  • Lesser Confusion
  • Grease
  • Hideous Laughter
  • Sleep
Level 2
  • Calm Emotions
  • Invisibility
  • Scare
  • Whispering Wind
Level 3
  • Confusion
  • Gaseous Form

---Lets go back to Extend Spell for a second. I'm the kind of person who tends to drag things out even if it makes the recipient uncomfortable. For example the other day I cast Extended Whispering Wind while in the living room with my wife and she left the room. I guess the message was "I want the couch to myself".  Gaseous Form is another one she doesn't like when I cast. And when its the Extended version it causes Fear, makes her Scared, Confused. I then need Calm Emotions to stop her terror. I have Sleep on the list because I like to cast it on myself and take a nap sporadically.

  • Armor of Insults
  • "Never Surrender"
---The Armor of Insults basically says my fashion sense insults the sensibilities of every one around me which draws aggro off my allies and onto me.
'Never Surrender' is a created magic shield by yours truly. Its a +2 Bashing Mitheral Light Shield of Determination. It falls into the fighting back idea even in when the odds are overwhelming against me (Determination).

  • "The Mighty River's Roar"
--- Another created item by me. The Mighty River's Roar is a +2 Cunning Thundering Battle Axe. It makes almost as much noise as I do and I looks for weak spots in our adversaries to exploit.

Magic Items
  • Exciting Taffy (I like candy)
  • Handy Haversack  (My backpack I take to cons and gaming events. It can hold anything.)
  • Knucklebone of Fickle Fate  (I always keep a d20 with me)
  • Portable Hole  (because I'm always digging myself into a hole according to my wife.)
  • Ring of Friend Shield  (wedding ring...comes in pairs)
  • Sovereign Glue ( I never forget to keep my crazy glue nearby.)
  • Wand of Magic Missile  (My nerf dart gun)

So there it is in a nutshell. I'm glad I did this but I really hate doing this as well. For the 'crunch heavy' RPG write-up that will be later in the 12 Days as it will take alot of time. But you may have to forgive me if I pass on that as Shadowrun and Eclipse Phase both take quite awhile to make a PC.

All in all there was the normal amount of self loathing and self deprecation that came along with it. Hell some of what I was thinking about my flaws and shortcomings had me snickering a bit and had me comparing my riffs to my comedic hero's self insulting ways.

Don't worry Rodney...I respect ya!
So there you go Eric. Hope you and everyone else got a laugh out of this. I did this as honestly as I could and you got a glimpse into the mess that is I. And the 12 Days are almost half over. I have another suggestion that I'm working on involving the Eclipse Phase RPG but I still need some more suggestions to make it to the end! If you got any leave them in the comments here.